Leaving my English course: why did I feel I was losing something special?
When I wrote that text about getting annoyed by people who do want to rule the way you spend your money, I forgot to mention a case involving my English course. In 2017, I decided to take some German classes, which turned out to be pretty cool. Even though I liked that, I didn’t quite get along with my teacher, and that made me uncomfortable of asking anything. Not only that, there wasn’t really a point of studying German. So, in July, 2017, I dropped out of the course.
With my boss’s support, I started studying English right in the month after. Although she was the person who suggested me doing that, she was also the first one to start being shady about it months later. She asked why I didn’t left¹ that yet and restarted studying it at a cheaper school. Yet again, I was facing someone who thought she could tell me what to do with my bucks and why. In fact, that was the 1st time she did that.
So I studied there from August 2017 to April 2019. I was devastated when I had to leave the course. For some time, I gave it my best. Virtually, more than I did to my chemistry course². Doing all the lessons and missing almost no classes at all, I lived “the edge of glory” fantasy, believing I could finally succeed in life only by learning English.
It was something I was passionated about. When I got fired in October 2018 and robbed in December of the same year, all of my savings were spent, and I had to stop studying there. I was broke in multiple ways and had immediate needs. Eating, for example.
Even now (then) in December 2019 that I’m about to return, I don’t feel the energy I used to when I first studied there. Whether it’s because I feel more and more fluent as days go by — no credit — or that I don’t even care about the way I sound anymore as long as I get any opportunity of practicing it, I’m not really sure that course will get me any nearer to the hypothetical level of fluency I aim to achieve.
Or maybe the feeling I got that they took my dreams away are too strong for me to even care anymore. As Marina sings, “now that all my dreams are dead and gone, there’s no rush anymore”. It doesn’t matter anymore³.
– Tria. December 21st, 2019.
- "didn't leave".
- I am talking about the trade course for chemistry I took that sort of changed my life.
- Up to this day, I don't feel that fire anymore. I am pretty sure I will never be able to feel that way again. In the other hand, the recognition of others of how allegedly good my English is is what I truly love. That is priceless!
– Tria. February 19th, 2022.