Living in a pernicious environment with people who obstruct your self-development.

Have you ever dealt with that difficult person that, even though looks like they’re cool, they’re actually obstructing your self-development? Well, I have. With lots of them, to be honest.

There’s this one dude I worked with. He’s amazing, he’s handsome, he’s smart, all the girls fall for him, he’s not homophobic or racist and everything he does at work is well done. There was a point in our past I was led to believe he’s really that kind of person that somehow things come easily. But after feeling bad¹ about myself as a whole while we worked together for a really long time, I remembered a quote from Bleach, a Japanese anime. There, Aizen Sousuke, a² main antagonist, says: “Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding”. That explains a lot, actually.

Since I started paying close attention to those words, I realized that that boy was nothing like the way I painted him. First of all, he wasn’t an example of an exceptional coworker at all. He had a big project to do every month and he allegedly put his efforts on it all the time, but that was a damn lie³. In fact, everything he had to do was already done. He only had to check the accuracy of it.

Although he’s ever body shamed me and posed as the strong and fitness freak one, he only looked thinner cause he’s 6’6”. And he was always smelly as heck, just so you know. He could also always keep saying he loves queer people, but that didn’t really stop him from bullshitting about them being needy of friendships with straight men. Besides all of that, he was the worst kind of chauvinist: the one that alleges he only does what he does because he’s a man and that keep seeking validation from women.

I could go on an on, but I don’t want to make you think I’m just reading him to filth⁴. I actually want to get your attention to the quote. By the time I started comprehending his personality and getting what his actions were based on, I realized that he’s not nearly a good person⁵.

Don’t ever let your imagination of others’s reality blind the truth underneath!

– Tria. December 21st, 2019.

1. Again, I came up with things seemingly out of the blue, as if I was projecting my feelings towards the situation just because. There have been more than enough situations that allowed me getting to the realization that he was, indeed, assh0le. It wasn’t something I created in my head.
2. "The" main antagonist, not "a" main antagonist.
3. Honestly, I appreciate people who have their work recognized. What bothered me during the time we worked together was the fact that he would always say I wasn’t working enough (or worse: "Why isn’t your work ever done since you spend so much time on it?").
4. Yes, I surely was reading him to filth.
5. As I was reading, I realized the text — pretty much due to the limit of characters on the original post — didn't really talk about other people keeping you away from evolving. But that is what I believe he truly did. He always talked about me being fat. That’s what I’ve struggled with all along since then. He would always say that I wasn’t smart enough or in any way belittle my achievements, acts which led me to believe that I wasn't worthy at all. To sum it up, he was one of those uncelebrated people who have to put others down to feel better with themselves. Don’t let this abusive behavior take the best of you. You’re valid. Your efforts are valid. The amount of time you take to get your own job done is valid. Don’t let them say otherwise!

– Tria. February 19th, 2022.